Cause of LMR - What's the next step?

[Movieman85]

Hey,

I've known a friend for two years and I've started dating her for 4 weeks. I'm really into her. I see her at school everyday because she comes by the place where I work to see me. I mostly stay busy at work and she waits for me to finish, and when I finish I go hang out with her to eat or whatever on campus. I asked her to be my girlfriend, but she says she is not ready or that she doesn't want to cheat on me.I took her back to my place a couple times and we fooled around. The furthest I've gotten with her is shirt off and rubbing her pussy through her pants. When I try to go in though, I get LMR with her saying "she's not ready." This happened twice. The first week this happened I did a freeze out by blowing out the candle and turning off the music, but then she asked me to take her home. The 2nd time, rather than getting pissed, I kept arousing her, but we stopped b/c she was worried my parents would come home. She says it seems like we'll get to sex pretty soon, but there has been a bump in the road which I think might have caused the LMR.

Recently I found out that she is still seeing her ex-boyfriend of 5 years (whom she dumped 5 months ago). I HATE this and she knows it! She told me he still comes over, but that she has to remind him they are not together anymore. I know she still accepts gifts from him. When I go to her house, she doesn't let me kiss her when her parents are around because she says they still think she is with her ex. When I told her to tell her parents, she said she didn't know how because she doesn't know how to talk about these things with her parents. One day, I was hanging at her house watching a movie when he started calling her b/c he saw my car out front. After about the 5th call, she said she would have to answer him eventually and went in the other room to talk to him. I stayed in the living room to talk to her dad about soccer. She was screaming at her ex in the other room. When she got back, she rolled her eyes like she was annoyed at him. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, she was waiting right there looking very sad. I asked what was wrong and she said she needed time to think. I tried to make her feel better, but then she said she had to take a nap, so I took that as my cue to leave.

My friend is engaged to her sister, so he is at their house all the time. He said that her ex still goes over and they hang out on the couch. my friend said they look like they are a couple, though he doesn't see them kiss.

She tells me that she likes me alot but that she also likes him and that she is confused right now. I know he has cheated on her in the past as she just started opening up to me and told me this. She says that she freaks out when she gets close to someone b/c she has gotten screwed over many times in the past.

Despite what has happened here is where I think I am: Right now I'm stuck in C1, but it was a choice I made. I backtracked from C2 (when we would kiss all the time) b/c I felt I had to punish her for not telling me straight up that she was seeing both of us. I've been mostly ignoring her, and she says it feels so weird not to talk to me or see me. Last night I talked to her on the phone for about 45 minutes telling her that we're still friends but if she wants to be with me, she needs to drop the other guy. I even tried bf destroying, which I think might've worked a little bit, but I know I didn't do it all the way correct.

I think you are gonna say to forget her and move on but I really want this one. What do I need to do to get the girl? Do I keep talking to her in stay in C1? I'm afraid of running the risk of getting "lets just be friends" if I do this, but she says that it feels weird not talking to me, and since I'm in C1, aren't I supposed to remove any discomfort she is feeling? I was thinking about starting a jealousy plotline with a girl she knows I made out with, but I'm just not sure if I'm supposed to keep talking to her like we were back in C2.

My emotions are clouding my judgement and I need help outside my family and friends.

[gremlin]

your best bet is to let her know your not gonna sit around and wait for her to make up her mind. Show her you have options and create some jealousy. She may call you out on it, if she does be straight with her "I like you, but I'm not gonna be your plan B" or something along those lines. anyway, good luck.

Okay, I'd better be more clear, obviously you don't wanna screw this up. You should know better than to get onitis though *finger wag*. giving her an ultimatum like that may backfire, but your in a tough spot. you cant seem needy or clingy and have to demonstrate you have higher value than the boyfriend. She's gotta at least think you have other girls calling you. I hate to tell you to stage a big charade, but in may opinion thats what the situation calls for. IF she wants to hang out one day, say you cant because your doing (something interesting and cool) with this other girl, blah blah blah. Tough situation, best bet would be to move on. Unless the BF fucks up, you'll always be playing second fiddle.